Swapped

There exist some things in life that absolutely cannot be substituted. On the way home from a camping trip once, we stopped to refuel our vehicle. We pulled into a Hess station, fueled up, pulled out into the road, and the truck went dead. After shear panic, the realization set in that the green handle at the Hess station did not represent diesel fuel like all other gas stations; instead, we had just filled our diesel truck with ordinary gasoline. This was not a lesson one desires to learn in the middle of the road with a 40-foot camper in tow.

Along the way in life, I have discovered many other unsuccessful substitutes. Yet, something I learned recently defies these life experiences. A few weeks ago, the Lord asked me to get serious about removing the not-so-Christ-like qualities from my life. I felt an overwhelming urge to begin fasting each trait-one at a time. After much prayer, the first fast became extremely obvious. My longtime struggle with perfectionism had managed to extend the excessive levels of criticism beyond myself and onto others. The Lord said It was time to oust the spirit of judgementalness.

As I began to pay attention to my reactions to others and the words that followed, things changed. Immediately, my awareness of how often I reacted with judgement became amplified. I found myself repenting constantly which left me wondering how Jesus hadn’t slapped me down years ago. The Lord’s patience revealed itself with an extreme I never saw before. Jesus knew “… the tongue can no man tame…” James 3:8. He also knew if He asked me a year ago to fast my judgmental mindset, the results would have been very different.

A year ago there was calmness in my life. Struggles were minimalized and I had energy. In my world, energy always comes paired with self-sufficiency. Changes in our business partnered with raising teenagers created a sort of chaos in my life this past year. Amidst the chaos, the enemy found it amusing to pile on the spiritual attacks. The result—I’m just plain-old worn out. But praise God that “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28. Jesus patiently waited for a time in my life where I no longer possessed the energy to take on another project or tried to do things myself. He knew I was too tired to even attempt to tame my own tongue. He knew obedience to His request would be the only reason I would even think about adding this type of fast to my life.

A few days into fasting, I found myself in the middle of an event that in the past would have sent me into a frenzy of judgmental activity. As I asked the Lord to adjust my thoughts, something major happened. In place of every almost-judgmental thought, the Lord gave me thoughts of empathy. I could feel the pain and brokenness of the people I normally would have judged. My heart hurt for them in a way I never felt before. A burden to pray for these people lasted for days during my prayer time. The Lord put diesel in my gasoline engine, and I wasn’t dead in the middle of the road. I was alive and energized!

The Lord has lit a fire in my heart to “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep” Romans 12:15. I look forward to the day when empathy becomes more natural to me than judgment. It may always be a work in progress, but my Lord promises that one day I will be perfected. On that day of glorification, the ugliness in my life will be removed forever and I will get to spend eternity in perfection with my Lord and Savior. Until then, I pray the Lord continues to mold me so that I might be a light to those around me.

Thank you, Jesus, for Your patience with me. Thank you for Your desire to remove the imperfections from my life. Thank you for the opportunities You give me to be a light. I know that without You I could not do this life on my own. Continue to keep me humble. In Jesus Name.